I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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