no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
