I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
