im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
