porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
