i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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