If that was your dad, he is hot
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize