Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
