just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
