and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
