haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So squirting runs in the family.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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