dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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