you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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