so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
