Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
