Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize