I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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