Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
