He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
