At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
