I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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