these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
