If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
