You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
