I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
