Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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