Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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