I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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