Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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