remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
