I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
