she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
