i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Randomize
