Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
