my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
