I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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