Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize