i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
