i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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