So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
