I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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