thus making me awesome and them whores
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
