My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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