I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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