I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
