remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
