she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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