Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
