Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
