I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
