When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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