Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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