I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
