so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
