Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Randomize
