New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize