My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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