these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
