yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
