dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
