All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
