The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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