I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
