btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Randomize
