I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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