the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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