i would punch a child for taco bell
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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