There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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